Hope House Named Business of the Year

In March I wrote about our nomination for the Res in Motus (Business of the Year) award through the Lee’s Summit Chamber of Commerce. The award is a celebration of business and non-profit contributions to the community.

There are several categories based on business size. All nominees were asked to complete an application for consideration. The application process was intense, but thought provoking.

At the Chamber luncheon in March, it was announced that Hope House was one of the top three nominees for the award. The next step in the multi-step process was an interview with members of the committee.

We were thrilled to meet with three distinguished Lee’s Summit Chamber Business members and to have the opportunity to visit with them about Hope House. We were able to share with them our passion for the work we do and the impact we have on the community, and show them our work first hand.

Then we waited. 

The interview took place in mid-April and the final winners were not announced until the May 18^th Chamber luncheon.  We attended the luncheon and learned that Hope House was the winner in the Sanctimonia (non-profit) category!

 We are so happy to be a part of this community and excited to be the winners of this award.  Our thanks to the Lee’s Summit Chamber of Commerce for this honor, and to Tina Stidham, New Age Graphics, for nominating us.

The Most Common Myth

Don't ask "Why does she stay?" Ask "Why does he do that?"

I have spent some time blogging about common myths about domestic violence.  Here’s the one that is the most frustrating for me to explain and dispel:

"Victims like the abuse, otherwise they would leave."

To me, it’s obvious that women do not like to be abused. They do not enjoy being beaten, called horrible names, and having no control over their lives. 

They do leave.  They do try to end the relationship. Women leave abusive relationships every day. But when they leave, they face many obstacles and challenges, like continued abuse and stalking by their partner.

Last year I shared with you the story of Katie Piper. She broke things off with her boyfriend. He stalked her for days, and then hired someone to attack her with acid. 

It happens a lot: women leave, and then they are stalked and killed.  We have already had more than one domestic violence homicide this year in KC where women were in the process of leaving their abusers. It’s scary to realize that we’re still in the first half of the year.

Rather than asking “Why does she stay?” let’s start focusing on the abuser and his motivations for staying in the relationship. Ask yourself why a man would want to stay in a relationship when he thinks:

• She never does anything right. I'll have to teach her a lesson. 
• She’s always cheating on me. I saw the way she looked at the cashier at the grocery store.
• I just can’t trust her, so I’ll have to put a GPS on her car so I know where she is.

Changing which side of the relationship you’re looking at changes everything, doesn’t it?

Victims of domestic violence do not ask for the abuse. They do not deserve the abuse, and they certainly do not enjoy it. It is a vicious cycle and one that must be stopped. Two of the first steps to ending it are education and availability of services. We are working on addressing both of those issues.

National Violence Survey Results

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recently released the results from their first National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS).  The CDC website describes the survey as:

“The survey collects data on past-year experiences of violence as well as lifetime experiences of violence. The 2010 survey is the first year of the survey and provides baseline data that will be used to track trends in sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence (IPV). CDC developed NISVS to better describe and monitor the magnitude of these forms of violence in the United States.”

The results of the survey were not surprising, but at the same time frustrating, as it show how desperately our work is still needed. The findings from the 2010 survey show that intimate partner violence, stalking and sexual assault are widespread in our country. The findings highlight the severity of the violence and lifelong health consequences.

• 1.3 million women were raped during the year preceding the survey
• Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 6 women have been stalked during their lifetime
• 1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner
• 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking in their lifetime
• 1 in 7 men experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner

The CDC report summarizes what is going on in our country: 

“Overall, lifetime and one year estimates for sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence were alarmingly high for adult Americans; with intimate partner violence (IPV) alone affecting more than 12 million people each year. 

Women are disproportionately impacted. They experienced high rates of severe IPV, rape and stalking, and long-term chronic disease and other health impacts such as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. 

NISVS also shows that most rape and IPV is first experienced before age 24, highlighting the importance of preventing this violence before it occurs to ensure that all people can live life to their fullest potential”.

We have a lot of work still to do. Thank you for helping us serve the thousands of people in our metro area that are impacted by these crimes every day. 

To see the full report you can go to www.cdc.gov.

He Has A Crush On You

I happened across a blog posting that I thought was brilliant and so on target. The blog is called Views from the Couch, written by the Queen of the Couch. The topic for her post this particular day was called "You Didn’t Thank Me for Punching You in the Face".  As you can imagine, that caught my attention so I read the blog and all I could say was, “Yes! Way to go!” What a brilliant way to discuss the concept of how we talk to our young children about abusive behaviors.

This blog was about how, as little girls, many of us were taught that when young boys pull our hair, hit or tease us, their behavior is excused because it means “he likes you”. 

The blogger shares an experience of her daughter having her bracelets physically stolen off of her arm by a classmate. She went to the school to address the incident with the teacher. The teacher responded by smiling and explaining it away to her daughter by saying “he probably has a crush on you”.  

When we teach our children that this type of behavior is acceptable and a form of flattery, we are setting our children up to fail, both boys and girls. We need to teach our children that when we like someone, we show them that in respectful ways, not verbally and physically abusive ways.

When abusive behaviors are considered forms of flattery, we perpetuate the notion that violence, whether verbal or physical, is okay, teaching long standing patterns of behavior that are destructive to children and adults. How do you go from learning the behavior is flattery as a young child, to knowing as an adult that it isn’t flattery, but abuse? You don’t without a great deal of difficulty.

As I have said many times before, the only way we are going to stop abuse is to break the cycle with our children by teaching appropriate behavior and boundaries. If a boy doesn’t know how to show a girl he likes her, then let’s teach him the right ways rather than condoning abusive behaviors and setting up long term inappropriate patterns of behavior.

If you want to read the entire blog post I mentioned earlier, you can read it here. ALERT: This blog contains a great deal of cursing, if you are opposed to this type of language, I would urge you not to read this blog.

National Crime Victims' Rights Week

Every year in April a week is set aside to honor victims of crime. This year April 22-28 is set aside as National Crime Victims’ Rights Week. The theme for this year is "Extending the Vision: Reaching Every Victim".

I think it is extremely important to take a moment and honor those who have been traumatized by crime. There are so many types of crimes and victims in our country every year, many that go unnoticed and unrecognized. There are many agencies and people working to alleviate crime, but unfortunately we are not there yet.

At Hope House our mission is break the cycle of violence and to offer services to those who are victims of the crime of domestic violence. Many people still do not think of domestic violence as a crime, but think of it as a "family matter". It is a crime and many in our community are partnering with us to stop this hideous crime from continuing to affect another generation.

We are grateful for all those who work with us to provide services to our clients so they can live a life free of abuse:

• Police
• Prosecutors
• Probation and parole
• Physicians and dentists
• Social workers
• Attorneys 
• And many others too numerous to list

We are grateful for all they do to help our clients get back on their feet. We couldn’t do what we do without those partnerships.

During this week, let’s all take a moment to stop and think about those who have been victimized and who need help and support. If you know someone who has been a victim of a crime, I encourage you to reach out to them with a listening ear, or support in some other way. Recovering from a crime is not easy and every bit of support helps.

Celebrity Golf Classic

It is that time of year again! We are gearing up for our 8th annual Hope Takes Flight Celebrity Golf Classic. The tournament has been a huge success and this year will be no exception. 

The event will take place on Monday, May 21st at the Creekmoor Golf Club in Raymore, Missouri. Registration begins at 10AM and shotgun start at 11:45AM. 

Even if you are not a golfer, come out to see us. We will have a silent auction with lots of great items to bid on. We would love to see you there.

The tournament is one way we raise money for our daily operations. It is a great opportunity for you to have fun, enjoy the outdoors with a few of your friends, and help a support Hope House at the same time.
We will feed you lots of great food and give you a wonderful goody bag. We offer great prizes to the top three winning teams and winners of the competitions. Plus, there are opportunities to win great auction items. It is a win-win for you and for Hope House.

The golf course is one of the finest in the metro area and your team will be paired with a local celebrity. What are you waiting for? Sign up foryour sponsorship today.

If you haven’t joined us at this event, now is the time. It was a sell out last year so don’t wait too long or you might miss out on the fun!

Margarita Ball

Spring is in the air and we are gearing up for our new event the Margarita Ball. It is sure to be a great time with music, margaritas and lots of food. We are excited about this new event and are looking forward to a great crowd.

The event will be April 13th from 7-11 PM at Studio Dan Meiners, 2500 West Pennway in Kansas City, Missouri (map it). 

We’ll have two bands to entertain you:  Idle Time, a Jimmy Buffett cover band, as well as one of Kansas City’s most popular bands, The Zeros, who will be playing all your favorite 80s tunes. During breaks and between bands we are thrilled to have DJ Ashton Martin keeping everyone dancing.

We will have an auction with great items like 4 tickets to see Jimmy Buffet at the Sprint Center on April 21^st in the luxurious KCP&L suite, a Chiefs’ luxury suite with 8 parking passes for the 2^nd pre-season game, plus many more exciting items.

Thank you to Pat and Becky Dunn, the event’s honorary chairs, and working chairs Amy Blunt, Angela Nadler and Cici Rojas. It is going to be a fun-filled evening and we would love to have you join us.

Visit our website for more information, and to purchase your tickets. Online ticketing will close at 12:01AM on Thursday, April 12. After that time, please call Libby at 816-206-5823 to inquire about ticket availability.